At this point… We are truly a blog. Treatment is over. Summer has left us. Now it’s just me and my normal thinking out loud that is the blog. 
It has been six days since Summer passed. Six days that have been a landslide of emotions and healing and a big heaping of emotions again as we celebrated the passing of my Grandma Marie. I am not sure that it’s really been a real opportunity to figure out what has happened in our lives since leaving hospice.
The night we left Richard Owens… Was the night that Angela and I said hello to our home and old life in some ways. Ever since May of 2022, we have lived a regimented schedule that had one of us with Summer at all times. Eventually, we were able to bring Nate and other family members into the mix to help us… But there was nothing normal in our lives during this year.
Meetings with Father Mike and Greg at Henderson have also been pleasantly unpleasant. They did nothing wrong! As we navigate this new reality we find ourselves talking about things that put us on the edge of emotional distress. I always need to have a Kleenex handy.
I am very scared for Friday afternoon. I will just throw that out there.
I will be honored and happy to know so many people care for Summer and our family… But this is the last thing I thought I would be doing this year.
The end of treatment brought relief and hope that we could have time to breathe. I see so many kids running around St. Jude who are still struggling with their cancer and the after-effects. But at least they have that. Summer got the crushing news that her cancer had returned with no break in the treatment. There was no remission time that she could use to get back on her feet physically or finish out her Major/Minor at college. (BTW… Found out that she was still a few credits short, so she was not able to get a diploma) There was no time to move back to Carbondale and grab a slice of normal life.
I honestly had visions of her hair coming back after treatment. My brain was sold on the fact that we would have more time.
Why am I scared?
I have been going through all of Summer’s photos from growing up and have been posting them in the IG story. We have made some awesome memory boards like she’s graduating high school. And I have re-established a vision in my head of what she looked like before cancer.
When we were side by side every week at St. Jude walking the halls, driving around Memphis, or chilling out watching shows at Target House… Her body was being brutalized by protons and chemotherapy… slowly. It was a gradual process. Our reality at St Jude over the past 12 months has been all-consuming. There was no looking back, only forward. She was never one for vanity, so her lack of fear of showing a bald head became my “normal” as well. Wigs? Ha! Never! Makeup? Only for fun. Smile surgery? Only if Mom and Dad insist.
All of these things that tried to beat her down are part of the story that made her legendary. She kept getting up.
But, that’s not how I want to remember Summer.
I am so fearful that I am going to lose it when I see her on Friday afternoon because I think seeing her battle-worn body is going to mentally punch me in the gut. I am so pissed at what her cancer did to her. I want people to know at the visitation that this body that we present before us to honor and respect is what happens when someone fights tooth and nail to save their life. But it’s not the 21-year-old vivacious young lady that I have been remembering.
You are looking at what happens after 1 year of fighting cancer.
This is her warrior shell.
She is still beautiful. But it’s going to be painful to see the hurt all over again.
We have gotten some gifts lately… A bonsai tree, fountain, edible arrangements, etc… They never have any labels or information on who sent them!!!! If you sent us something… Please let me know. I like having an idea of who to tell people it came from. I may not be very good at writing a thank you. But I want to share it with everyone who sees it here at the house.
I think the scholarship fund is already hitting around 4000 dollars. Awesome.
We stopped and talked to Bill Embry in Mackinaw on Monday morning and he had some ideas for us. We set up an account as I said in a previous post. I am personally thrilled to offer something in Summer’s name back to kids graduating from DeeMack next year.
Praying for strength for you Eric and Angela and Stig as you prepare to honor your true warrior Summer tomorrow…She fought such a great fight and I know that you will be proud of her strength and determination for the rest of your life… She was truly inspiring to so many others and even some who didn’t actually know her…Rest in eternal peace Summer…
I’m with you. I’m upset that cancer takes away the best people at the dawn of life. There needs to be more research into the cause. Summer showed all of us how to be strong and fight until the end. Will pray for all of you through tomorrow and the days to come.
To be truthful, in the recent years, I panic every time my kids complain of pain because of how cancer has touched our neighbors and our small community of Mackinaw.
Peace and comfort be with you all, sincerely.
Eric and Angela: I cannot begin to know what this has been like for you. I don’t know you or I didn’t know Summer. I know your folks. Every single morning when I opened my computer I went to your blog. I followed your journey. I prayed for Summer that this would result a different way. I loved Summer and all of you even though we never met. She was the most beautiful young woman. Such an inspiration to many. I thank you for sharing such a very personal story of this last year. I will pray for all of you tomorrow.
Your posts have been most insightful throughout your journey with summer. My thoughts and prayers will be with you especially this weekend. I had the joy and honor of being her pastor at Delavan Baptist Church for about five years. Wonderful memories from those years!
Pastor Lee: Thank you. Summer loved you and Jerrianne!!!
I continue to pray for you all as you go through this difficult time. You are an amazing family!!
The very things that beat Summer down and stole her identity are what everyone saw today . It does NOT define who or what she was. Your photos do that. The curly haired girl ( to woman) who LOVED life and did everything she could to sample every opportunity she had is what I see in those photos. And THAT is what sticks with me. Warrior? Yes. Gypsy? Definately. Talented? Truly. Joyful? Without a doubt. THIS is the daughter you released to the universe. And THAT is who dances amongst the stars and watches over her family. Know that the wound scabs over but does not heal. THAT is the meaning of true love. Peace.
I am so sorry for your loss. I didn’t know you or Summer. You have made me stop and reflect and appreciate the time I had with those I have loved and lost. I understand your fears. My heart feels for you. Time will provide the peace and you will remember Summer when she was whole. I promise it just takes time do allow yourself the time. Prayers of strength to you and your family.