St Jude – Remembrance Day is coming

This is coming up next week.  Angela, myself, the Nate’s, and my folks are all going to Memphis for an event that honors those who “lost the fight” to cancer while being a patients at St. Jude.

We are getting matching shirts…  Hobby Lobby, along with some help from Screen Graphix in Pekin will have us all sporting the #sweetdreamsofsummer on the front and our cool graphic made by Jenive.  As per the instructions sent ahead, we will build a tribute wall full of Summers pictures from her 23 years with us.  We were also tasked with adding some commentary to the board about Summer and her life.

After that, I have no idea what else we will be doing.  Do we see the staff member who gave her treatment?  Will we console ourselves with other families going through similar pains?  I have heard there are some break-out “sessions”.

Can that part of mutual consolation happen???  I only ask because St. Jude is a children’s hospital.  Will we be surrounded by parents who lost small children as they spent time at the famous Children’s Hospital?  Summer being admitted when she was 20 felt like a huge reach…  I am still in awe that we were able to be there for treatment.  But, I still felt like we were the anomaly in the waiting rooms of most of the clinics.  Summer, thankfully, made friends with other “kids” and young adults her age as she received treatment.  Those young women and their families were a welcome conversation in rooms filled with toddlers and little kids.  Summer and I could talk and think of things outside of the clinic when we were there.  She always had plans after treatment or for the weekend.  If I ever felt like “woe is our family”…  I only had to look over at a small child who didn’t understand why they were sick or hear a kid crying in an examination room to get a quick realization that we (kinda) had it better.

And that last part is the rub that leaves me wondering what is appropriate to write.  Some families will certainly have young adults who passed… But a majority won’t.   I feel very blessed to have had the time with Summer that we did over 22 years.  The horror of losing a child is universal… But I somehow feel like we had it better.

It’s all flawed and I think that someone on the other side might say the opposite.  “How horrible to lose someone who comes so far, only to know what they were losing?”

It all sucks.  Cancer Sucks.  Fuck Cancer.  You name it, it’s on point.  There is no way or no reason to sugercoat cancer.

---

“A life well lived” is the working title that I was handed by Angela.  Its a sheet of paper that has a lot of things that Summer did over her years and I am supposed to formulate it into something that is a readable work.  A resume of her life.

Again, slap in the face to others in the room.  I don’t want to run a humble-brag datalist to position against the other parents who have just as heavy of a burden.

I have heard stories of kids in the middle of their treatment consoling their crying parents.  Those kids do not wear masks with their emotions.  This is something we have learned how to do over the years.  Summer wore a mask of toughness and strength that gave me pause to wonder how I could ever handle this situation if the tables were turned.  I know I would buckle.  But, when you keep turning tables or looking from different angles and distances, you see that others were perceiving strength in everyone involved.  It made me think I should start with something that reminded everyone she was a human being.

This was my rough edit, and it was hard to stop writing.

Summer Stahl passed away June 23rd, 2023 at the age of 21.  She was diagnosed with Medulloblastoma in May of 2021 during her 3rd year of college.

Summer was your normal 20-something young lady who had all the hopes, dreams, fears, and anxieties that one has when preparing for adulthood.  It would be an easier story to tell you how strong she was over her 12 months and 24 days of diagnosis, treatment, and passing.  She was strong.  She raged and fought with unquestionable resolve.  She was not perfect or gifted in ways that gave her supernatural control of her emotions or a higher level of understanding of the meaning of life.  She had fear.  She had love.  She had hope.  Hope provided by St. Jude.  She lived every day with the hope that treatment would cure her… And free her to live the life she was leading up to.

Over her two decades with us, she became a skilled horsewoman, SCCA Autocross driver, live music aficionado, and world traveler with multiple solo trips abroad.  She worked diligently to finish her college studies with SIUC, even during the hardest days and nights of treatment.  She was more than a casual artist.  She took her artworks to competition and was known as one of the most skilled artisans in a family that touts itself as being “artistic”.

Summer had a cat named Geno that was in the right cat at the right time.  Geno came into her life when she left the dorms and moved into her first apartment.  He was the welcome face (besides her boyfriend) that she fixated on as her excuse to get out of Memphis and back to Carbondale.

Summer was accepted to SIUC with full scholarships with her academic prowess and an Air Force Scholarship because of her high-level status with Civil Air Patrol (CAP).  She achieved the Billy Mitchell Award during her time at CAP and this is valued an E3 status in the US military as an Eagle Scout.   She also was instrumental in building and maintaining the SIU ROTC rifle team and performed in competitions.  Even during treatment, she flew to Colorado Springs to help “coach” her team.

Wednesday nights in Carbondale you were likely to find Summer and her friends playing games on open game night at Castle Perilous.  (The greatest game store ever) Summer loved all kinds of games.  From playing Scrabble with Grandma to Magic with the Nate’s.

Summer was a proud National Park Geek.  From a young age, she became part of the Junior Ranger program and started collecting badges from every park and historic place by completing workbooks and learning about the parks.  Her last road trip vacation was a few weeks before she passed.  It was an RV romp across the country hitting countless national parks along the way.  She desperately wanted to go to Craters of the Moon NP in Idaho because she was a self-proclaimed “rock geek”.  Craters of the Moon contains MANY rocks and she did make it there!

Summer was also a girlfriend who had the love and support of her “Nate”.  Nate and Summer met at SIU and built the strongest relationship of her life.  Nate, through all the bad times, stuck with Summer and helped care for her as she underwent treatment.  He was her rock.  She was lucky enough to find the best man of her life and we are so thankful of his bravery and kindness.

From our vantage point, Summer’s life was an amazing fireball, full of laughter, friends, family, and experiences.  This was done with purpose.  Mom and Dad raised Summer to be independent, and strong and to “take over the world” and we will always regret that the world will not get THAT chance to experience her.

Since Summer has passed, countless tributes and fundraisers have been done in her honor and for St. Jude.  She also has an education scholarship in her name at her former High School of DeeMack in Mackinaw Illinois.

Adventure, smarts, and those goofy, goofy laughs were her trademarks.   Those qualities continue to inspire everyone who knew her.

#sweetdreamsofsummer

So, that is rather terrible and long-winded.  I am unsure where to start shaving it down, but my Mom and Angela will make it wonderful.  They have that knack, as you can see from their test design of the memory board.