Nate and Nate left us on Monday. I don’t even remember when they got here… I know Nate and Z left for a day or two during the past few weeks… But I honestly feel like they have been a constant in the house for a while now.
There were a few times during the visitation line when people told us they had seen the movie that Summer had her heart set on. Angela’s friend Amy even got a postcard from the theater and wrote a little note for Summer in it. I have a story about the new Spiderman movie and how pissed Summer was when she saw that a month ago… But I was sure that we would get her to this movie to make up for it. As we were in Hospice, I never mentioned it again for fear of hearing any disappointment from her. She never brought it up.
I told Nate that before they left, I really wanted to see the new Wes Anderson movie with him and Z if they wanted. I felt like they were waiting for me to ask… Since they both agreed quickly. I sent Olivia a message inviting her along and she was game. Without knowing Aiden or Angela’s plans, we made a tentative plan on Sunday night to go and see the movie “Asteroid City”.
Angela was in, but Aiden had some firecrackers to buy, so he headed out on a drive with his buddies.
I like Wes Anderson movies. I think Rushmore, Grand Budapest Hotel, and Royal Tannebaums are great go-to movies if you are looking for interesting characters and stylistic cinematography. I know for a fact that they are not for everyone. Sometimes the “on a rail” dolly work where the scene is following a character without a “cut” can annoy those folks who aren’t geeking out on the mechanics it takes to set up the shot. It’s nerd fuel for folks who love movies and appreciate how they are made.
I never talked about those parts of the movies with Summer… She always seemed to love his movies for the dialog, story, or characters. I said it before… I think she liked Moonrise Kingdom because it’s about a young lady who is smarter than everyone else around her. Mom, Dad, and everyone look like idiots. What’s not to love?
Most of these movies also have a sweetness to them that makes the failings of the characters easily overlooked. You are rooting for everyone when the movie is over.
This all generally described Asteroid City. The movie is VERY active with dolly movement and whip cuts. It’s also breaking through narrative walls. The movie is a documentary about a director and a play he created. The lines of the stories all start to blur by the end and it becomes a study of the relationships made during the writing and performing of the play while the play is being shown for the theater-goer. Confused? The story sprawls out in all directions. Angela said it “had no story”… Which bothers her!
Actors, Ed Norton and Scarlett Johansen immerse themselves in their roles and prove why they are considered great. They are best known to most of our kids for being Marvel superheroes. Well, Ed is not credited for anything but the Hulk. But he was a damn good Hulk.
I think Summer would have enjoyed it. It’s not really romantic but it’s a movie that reminds you how powerful the big screen is when a director uses all the space allowed. It’s totally a film nerd movie! So, if anyone saw it and enjoyed it based on Summer’s recommendation… Congrats. You are a film nerd now! (She like French Dispatch and I fought hard to stay awake during that one!)
We said goodbyes with the “Nates” in the parking lot of the theater and they began their treks south to Carbondale and Decatur. As I said before, they have been fixtures in our house and life over the past few weeks… Not to mention that Nate has been with us for nearly 2 months if you think about vacation as well. This parting kinda sucks. (Actualy, it really sucks)
We had invites to see the fireworks show in Decatur, but we knew that Aiden was putting on a show so we had to decline.
I made my first appearance at work today. It was all good.
Very kind people left some cards for us and for Summer’s Scholarship fund. A fund that has reached $10,000 BTW. I don’t have exacts… But after going through the visitation cards, we have a great start for something that can last a decade or more in her name. It’s amazing and I know more donations are coming in. Ang is going to talk to Bill at the community fund about management. Very cool. I have loved this idea since the get-go.
A few folks came into my office and gave condolences. They were very nice. I have yet to figure out how to make these conversations easy. I did have to let one person know the Summer had passed… He was aware she was sick… But nearly started crying when he heard the bad news.
I was driving back to the store from lunch and the head started overthinking.
I am telling you, just as I said when Summer was sick… That being alone in your thoughts is the worst time when you are dealing with trauma or grief. I know what tinnitus is… I have a pretty good constant ring in my ears from years of loud music and irresponsible headphone usage. Stop what you are doing or concentrating on… And it’s there.
I feel like tinnitus and this grief are very similar. I constantly think about the last few months and every possible “What if” and “Why”. It doesn’t take long and it can happen in the span of minutes. It overpowers your thoughts to the point where you don’t know what you don’t remember the last 10 miles.
It’s a constant, like ears ringing.