I was thinking about Kevin this afternoon after getting home. I was aware that the anniversary of his passing was coming up this week, but haven’t exactly been counting the days. 
As I walked out the horses… to do my nightly “release” video on Instagram stories… I was hard-pressed not to say his name and tell a story. The horses don’t care, it was going to be for me only.
I think alot about Kevin and how he helped me and my family over the years. I love that he knew my kids in a way that I never could. Being a boss over young people gives you a completely different perspective of who someone is versus what they present to their parents. Believe me… I know. Aiden and Summer both knew him in this way.
After he passed, I declared my intentions to document and honor Kevin in a way that I can do. Recordings etc. Obviously, I fell very short over the last year. I hate to say I have the best and worst excuse ever. In normal times, I would have honored him for months and carried my recorder around to hear those stories we talked sharing. I suck.
Unexpectedly, to me at least, I have met multiple people over the past year who are mutual friends and we have had some great moments telling stories. I sometimes think that I have a monopoly on meeting people… But Kevin had me beat. He knew so many people from his jobs in Peoria that I can’t even hold a candle.
I had a powerful moment this year talking about suicide.
A friend of mine told me a story about a young man she knew who took his life recently. He had been struggling for a long time and it almost sounded like an inevitability. She was so sad telling the story and then turned to me and said this was extra hurtful to her because of how unfair life is to someone like Summer. Summer was in the midst of the greatest battle of her life. She would have given anything to have what he threw away. How dare this other person take for granted this life and squander it.
The conversation was kind of mind-blowing. It was extra potent because of Summer. I have never thought about life or death and their values in that frame. The depth of a conversation that generally ends with “That makes me sad” was now almost a little vengeful.
Giving up or feeling that its not worth pushing through is the highest insult to those who are biting and clawing to hang on to their health. If all else is failing… You have life. If you have family and people who care. You can get through ANYTHING.
I have no great wisdom. I know my life is better for knowing him. Same for my fam.
I still want to punch you and kick your ass for what you did. But, its with love.